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Manhattan No-Man’s Land Sends False Messages

by Holland Runnels

Author’s Disclaimer ** We have been asked to post this story by the South New York Federal Bureau of Investigation. We do however fully support its contents.


If you have received a message from a loved one asking you to rescue them from Manhattan DO NOT RESPOND. THIS IS A HOAX.


Many such messages have been sent out in these past months, by email, letter, or phone call. Each message purports to be from a lost loved one. Each one is asking for help escaping the No-Man’s-Land of Manhattan.


Though it saddens us to report, these messages are not from your loved ones. They are from a terrorist group, The Knickerbockers, who reportedly, have the entire island under their control.


The Knickerbockers (so named for the lost professional basketball*** team of New York) have been compiling dossiers on many deceased Manhattan citizens, allowing them to create the believable false messages bereaved family members have been receiving.


The goal behind this cruel and cowardly act can only be guessed at. The FBI’s official stance is the Knickerbockers are running low on supplies, and this is their only way of procuring anything from the outside world. We here at Nightcap News believe there is something else afoot. What small amount of food these desperate souls are able to sneak over the Hudson would not be enough to feed more than two people.


No, there must be another reason for this trickery. I can think of several that I find too unappetizing to print here.


Whatever their goal, it is sad to see another of Old America’s great cities sink ever deeper into darkness, following in the footsteps of Los Angeles, and Chicago. Chicago was vaporized, Los Angeles became the home of an unspeakable monster, and New York… well, it seems that New York is home to its own kind of monsters now.


*** For kids who don’t know what basketball is, go look it up. That’s what the internet is for.




R.I.P to the H.R.P.

by Alyssa Myerly

Today we bid adieu to one of the most head scratching organizations in modern times. That’s right folks, The Human Reclamation Project is no more, and fortunately for us, the reason for its demise is a bit more understandable than why they existed in the first place.


Founded by anthropologist Taylor Browning in 2006, the HRP’s stated goal was to resist the world Beca Orlofsky created. To return to the way things were. To bring back our humanity.


The sentiment was, to say the least, unpopular.


Made up mostly of unpowered members, the non-profit was often written off as a fringe group of bitter “normals” who just needed a soap box to cry from. And maybe it served that purpose for some. However, in her public address, while a stoic Ms. Browning spoke of the organization’s many failures, she also made a point to highlight their few successes.


“Though it was not my intent,” she wrote “the H.R.P. became more of a support group for the traumatized than a social cause. All the rallies, speeches, and strikes blend into the din of memory to me. But what I do remember, and will always cherish, are the late night talks where we would cry, and listen, and hold one another. It was a haven for the unhappy. A haven that allowed us to escape the Utopia that destroyed our lives.”


A bit dramatic? Yes. Kind of sweet? Undoubtedly. Will they be missed? Well, you’ve probably already forgotten what this article was about, so you tell me.


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Updated: Jun 15, 2020

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Iron Smelted

by Alyssa Myerly

They've done it. After months of heated debate, resignations, and drama that more closely resembled a high school prom committee than the most powerful men and women in the land, Congress passed its motion to defund the Iron Corps by a vote of 36 to 5. And just like that, the era of the USNE’s police force passes into history, leaving behind a legacy that is as complicated as it is legendary.


For some the Corps were, are, and always will be heroes of the first order. They were the brave men and women who brought our country back from ruin. The world collapsed and they saved us. We owe them our lives, our society, our very peace of mind. Don't we?


The answer, for many, became a resounding no when the fabled police force was caught on camera executing an entire pack of wild animorphs last January. Though the public had long expected such actions to be taking place, the video (posted anonymously) was the final nail in the coffin.


Many still believe animorphs to be humans, despite their post B-Day transformations, and to them, this video was tantamount to murder. Marches were organized, petitions were signed, and people began to come forward, telling their own horror stories featuring our protectors in the leading role.


We shouldn’t have been surprised. We should have known what they were doing. The people who disappeared. The court cases that were swept under the rug. The harassment. The corruption. The scandal. We knew what was going on, but we were too scared or thankful for their “protection”. We let this happen. We let the promise of our United States of New England be soiled by these thugs in uniform. We did it for safety. All it cost was our freedom.


Gratitude for pulling us out of the collapse can only take you so far, however, and as the public outcry mounted, so too did voter pressure. And here we find ourselves, staring the future in the face. And I must say, the future is bright.


Former president and Iron Corps founder Bishop Cline could not be reached for comment.


Hero Firefighter Saves Family

by Peyton Reed

While the country’s attention is glued to the Iron Corps hearings, it should be noted that not all our public servants are so morally compromised.


Firefighter Lynn Knox has not forgotten her duty, and we can all sleep more safely for it.

It started as an ordinary house fire. Knox and her team responded and had it under control within minutes, safely evacuating every known resident of the apartment building.


But when Fire Chief Carl Johnson discovered the source of the inferno, he called his people back. There was an immigrant family living in the basement, and one of the children was a pyrotechnic. He most likely had a nightmare and caught fire, igniting the entire apartment complex, and trapping his family in a fiery coffin.


Johnson stated to reporters that “the situation was untenable. You have a group of undocumented powers down there, all under extreme duress. You don’t know what they can do, or how dangerous they can be. You don’t know the situation. That’s how you lose good men, and I won’t risk my people’s lives for a bunch of canucks.”


Horrifying, yes. Truthful, maybe. But orders are orders, and the men and women from Ladder 47 stood down. All except Knox, who zipped up her suit and charged headfirst into the blaze.

15 minutes later the building collapsed, with Knox and the family still inside. It seemed, if only for a moment, that Johnson had been right.


Then the rubble began to shift, then shake, then rise, and finally, a collapsed wall was lifted into the air by Knox, the family of five huddled around her feet. Scared, and little singed, but unhurt.


It was a moment worthy of the pre B-Day superheroes.


But those hopeful times are long gone, and this is the real world. The family has been deported back to Canada. The pyrotechnic teenager was sent off to an incubator, and Knox is facing an inquiry for insubordination.


When cornered for questions by reporters all asking why she had disobeyed orders, the affable Knox shrugged "Kid reminded me of my mom"


But there may be hope for us yet. Reports of Johnson’s negligence has the Burlington Community up in arms for his resignation, and this writer, for one, has an idea for who could take his place.


Small Vermont Town Bans B-Day Celebrations

by Holland Runnels

Pack up your capes, put away your domino masks, there will be no B-Day today. At least not in the small town of Sharon, Vermont, where the unprecedented vote to not celebrate the day Beca Orlofsky gave the world powers was passed in a near unanimous display of diplomatic freedom.


Yes, you heard it here. There will be no parade. No fly-overs. No fireworks. No day off school.


And while the children may be disappointed, their parents could not be more set on their decision.


“I lost my husband on B-Day,” said town spokeswoman Abby Valentine. “He shriveled up like a prune right in front of me. It was the most horrible moment of my life. It was for a lot of people. B-Day is not a time for celebration, it is a time for memorial. A parade is an insult to their memory.”


When said like that, it makes sense. And I can think of many who will be having a quieter B-Day this year. Myself included.


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